Plate-licking at restaurants: it’s a compliment ... isn’t it?

My friends get upset when I lick my plate after a delicious restaurant meal. I think I’m doing a good deed, complimenting the chef, helping the kitchenhand and saving the environment by consuming what might have gone down the drain. Should our manners evolve so that plate-licking is accepted?
B.L., Belmore, NSW

A: Strange how it works. If people see someone licking food from a plate, they think, “Yechhh, disgusting! I don’t want to see their slathery tongue hanging out, lapping away like an unevolved animal, yechhhhh!” But if people see someone licking ice-cream from a cone, they think, “Aww, delightful! Look at their little pink tongue poking out and licking away! I want to have a lick, too!” Then they’ll happily share the ice-cream with the person, catching all the drips running down the side of the cone, half of them ice-cream, half of them foamy, gloopy tongue juice.

Plate-licking will never be accepted by the wider community, so I suggest you find a more publicly approved licking receptacle. If you go to a restaurant with friends, take an empty ice-cream cone with you. Scrape your leftovers inside and lick away – everyone will love watching it. And it works great with mashed potatoes and cous cous, maybe not so much with ossobuco or consommé. Or bring along an Oreo cookie: pop it open, slop on your leftover Thai green curry and get licking.

Friends will be fine with it, especially if you dunk it in coconut milk between licks. Or try any of the following acceptably lickable utensils: forks, spoons, knives, Paddle Pop sticks or mixer-beaters.

Friends will get very excited if you bring out a pair of beaters. They’ll say, “Hey, I want to have a lick of your beef rendang, too! Gimme a beater! Let’s share your congealed plate dregs! Yummmmm!”

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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