Just one peg for my wife’s undies? It’s a hanging offence

Q: My wife insists that I use two pegs for her undies on the clothesline, whereas I think one is sufficient. Who’s right?
G.F, Carlton North, Vic

A: Just on principle, I refuse to take part in any discussion that perpetuates offensive outdated generalisations about gender differences – unless it’s to do with laundry, and then the differences must be discussed in painstaking detail and with maximum offensiveness. Because it’s just a fact: women take pride in the maintenance and laundering of clothing, while men only take pride in their ability to pick up their dirty undies from the floor using nothing but their hinged, ape-like toes and fling them into the laundry basket. Three points.

Women take time to separate whites and colours before putting them in the machine to ensure fabrics don’t get washed out or discoloured, while men just bung everything in together, one load. Martin Luther King died in the struggle to end segregation and we don’t want to let him down.

Women hang washing on the line with meticulous care, using multiple pegs to spread items out so they flutter in the breeze like a pretty string of pennants at a Renaissance fair. Men just sling clothes onto the line in random orientations, never bothering to pull sleeves the right way in, usually using a single peg right in the middle. Sometimes, no peg at all, and then we have to climb neighbours’ fences to get our clothes back on windy days.

So to answer your question: it’s all about gender. Women will use two pegs for their undies – even three if they washed the undies in one of those ridiculous mesh laundry bags that have to be hung up along with the undies. But for men, well, it’s one peg per undie. Personally, I’ve managed four undies with one peg. It has to be wooden. The plastic ones snap.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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