This was published 6 months ago
My friend uses AI for messaging. How to make them reboot?
A friend started replying to my emails and texts with AI-generated responses. At first, I was amused, but now I’m getting Terminator vibes. How do I break up with the bot and get my friend back?
D.D., Riverview, NSW
Just as a stupid joke, I ran your question though an AI chatbot to see what an AI chatbot would say about you wanting to break up with AI chatbots. Then I sat back with an air of smugness and waited for a reply, assuming it would be some pathetic, preprogrammed response along the lines of, “Sorry, but I choose not to respond to that”, like Siri says when you tell her to f--- off. It wasn’t a long wait: the answer arrived in 0.00008 seconds, hardly enough time for me to raise my eyebrow into its trademark, self-satisfied arch. And when I read the answer, I was gobsmacked, dumbfounded and racked with terror for the future of humankind. And, even worse, for the future of my job.
It was a perfectly good answer: sensible, insightful and deeply human – three qualities I struggle to put into my own writing. AI said, “You are absolutely allowed to feel weirded out. Friendship with a human shouldn’t feel like you’re co-starring in Ex Machina.” Yes, it was doing daggy, clunky, hardly-funny shtick – that’s MY thing! Then AI suggested you tell your friend that you “prefer their personal voice over a bot’s voice” or you could “try rebooting the friendship offline with a chat over coffee where AI can’t follow ... yet.”
If that wasn’t creepy enough, it finished up by asking me to forward your email address and full name. I said no, but my computer froze and my phone started flashing and my toilet backed up, so I’m sorry, AI forced me into it. I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably just for marketing purposes. It’s nothing.
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.