A seagull in the office? More workplace ‘animals’ and how to manage them

The modern workplace is a zoo, and you’re likely to encounter all types of animals roaming around the grounds. At least, that’s what I wrote about last month when we met several “animals” in the average workplace, but they’re not the only who’s who. There are more archetypes of people at work you really should learn how to identify and avoid.

On top of hippos, zebras and wolves, today we’re adding rhinos, seagulls and parrots to the menagerie. Let’s kick off the zoo tour with a common obstacle to getting things done who often stand silently in the way of progress: meet the RHINO.

RHINO stands for Really Here In Name Only. They are the type of workers who clock on, take up space in meetings, then clock off without adding anything much of anything to an organisation.

They might have a job title that makes them sound important but when it comes to giving input or advancing a project, they may as well not even be there.

RHINOs are generally unengaged with what they’re doing, and fill in time until they can walk straight out the door as soon as the clock strikes 5pm. Steer clear of RHINOs as much as you can as their mentally absent attitude can be contagious and drag others down with them.

The next “animal” you’re likely to encounter is the opposite of a RHINO when it comes to contribution: meet the PARROT. This stands for Pretty Annoying and Ridiculously Repeating OThers. They’re often found in their natural habit of meeting rooms.

They’re easy to spot, usually by their replication of what everyone else has already said, without adding anything new to a conversation.

The PARROT will phrase a sentence slightly differently and recognised in the wild by their overuse of buzzwords. Once you’re aware of PARROTs, you’re likely to hear them everywhere, annoyingly agreeing with everyone else and repeating it back at you.

The final “animal” to observe is the dreaded SEAGULL, one that’s sadly familiar to everyone at some stage of your career. SEAGULL stands for Senior Executive that Always Glides in, Unloads and Leaves Loudly, and they can really ruin your week.

Imagine you’ve been working hard on a project, spending time thinking and crafting a great plan and how to execute it. Then, when it’s almost done you show it to your boss and they, well, crap all over it. That’s precisely what a SEAGULL regularly does, whether they realise it or not.

So how can you deal with these different archetypes at work? For RHINOs, your best approach is to engage them first to get them enthused about whatever you’re working on. If they refuse, just minimise your time with them.

For PARROTs, try to feed them information on something you really want to get done. Ensure it’s super clear to everyone you were the originator, then use their power of repetition to help move your own ideas forward.

Finally, if your work is constantly criticised at the last minute by a SEAGULL, aim to involve them as early as you can in the process. That way they can put their mark on it at the beginning, but still give you plenty of time and breathing space to refine it.

Rhinos, parrots and seagulls are the latest animals you need to be able to recognise in the workplace. It can be a real zoo out there, but at least you can now navigate your way around them.

Tim Duggan is the author of Work Backwards: The Revolutionary Method to Work Smarter and Live Better. He writes a regular newsletter at timduggan.substack.com

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