Ten things we’ll never understand about the Dutch

Oh, the Dutch. They have some extraordinary habits, but you’ve got to love them. Here are just a few of their eccentric behaviours.

The indifference to privacy

The most astounding thing about the Dutch is their indifference to passersby gazing into their houses from the footpath. They all have windows unobstructed by net curtains, or any other curtains at night. It’s as if the locals are all players on a domestic stage, doing their homework and cooking and watching TV as part of a reality show. Very unsettling – and hard not to feel like a voyeur as you peep inside.

The canal edges

In Australia we’re constantly hectored by public safety signs about minding the gap and watching out for hazards. In the Netherlands canals are everywhere and not one has warning signs, railings or curb stones. You know you’ve mastered the art of the rental car when you can parallel park by an open canal. Why canals aren’t full of cars, cyclists and weekend drunks is miraculous. Surely many unsuspecting foreigners must fall in?

Multitasking while cycling

The Dutch cycle a lot, so I can understand why they do other things at the same time, but I’ll never understand how, especially as they’re often cycling in wind, rain and over cobblestones. Yet they sail majestically onwards, talking into mobile phones, balancing shopping, holding raised umbrellas, or taking dogs for their walks on leashes. My best moments: spotting a woman putting on make-up, and a man transporting a decent-sized Christmas tree. Brilliant.

The liking for liquorice

Maybe it’s just me – it’s one of the very few flavours I can’t stand – but what’s going on with the Dutch, who chew their way through two kilos per person a year of this horrible black substance? That makes them the world record holders. Wouldn’t you rather hold the record for caramel or chocolate – or frankly, even pickled herring? You’ll find dozens of kinds of liquorice sweets spread across a half-aisle in supermarkets. It’s lunacy.

The advance planning

I’m all for being organised, but the Dutch take planning to obsessive levels and seldom deviate from an agreed-upon agenda, whether in business or play. Arranging to meet Dutch friends is an adventure of complex scheduling done well in advance – you’ll give them a heart attack if you suggest drinks that evening. Wouldn’t a little spontaneity be nice, some of the time? Oh, and never ever be late in the Netherlands. It’s almost a criminal offence.

The national colour

The national colours of most countries relate to the flag, but as green-and-gold Aussies we might sympathise with Dutch orange, even though their flag is red, white and blue. It derives from the royal house of Orange-Nassau, Orange being a former tiny principality in … France. Go figure. Wherever the national soccer team plays, an orange army follows. And if you’re in the Netherlands on King’s Day (April 27) you’d best have something orange in your suitcase.

The chip accompaniments

Think chips and our imagination might stop at ketchup, vinegar or gravy. Those familiar with European habits might dip chips in mayonnaise. But the Dutch also smother their chips in peanut sauce and curry-ketchup. Or add onions. Or beef stew, which is a sloppy mess. And let’s not get started on kapsalon, invented by a Rotterdam hairdresser in 2003 and now ubiquitous. Chips topped by doner meat, melted Gouda cheese, lettuce, garlic sauce and sambal. Please no.

The illegal weed

Yes, you read that right. Contrary to common assumption, it’s illegal to possess, sell or produce any kind of drug in the Netherlands, including marijuana. However, a policy of toleration means that the sale of small quantities in so-called coffee shops, and the possession of less than five grams of cannabis, goes unprosecuted. There has, however, been a recent crackdown on the scope and size of coffee shops. The Dutch aren’t quite as chilled out as you think.

How blackface is still OK

I’m all for tradition, but surely the Dutch habit of dressing as Santa’s helper Zwarte Piet or Black Pete on December 5 each year has had its day. Blackface, exaggerated red lips, curly wig – it’s enough to make you wince in modern times. Plenty of Dutch also now find this controversial, and a toned-down Sooty Pete appears at official events. Yes, Zwarte Piet delivers sweets and presents to children. But no. Time to retire this racist stereotype.

The indifference to rain

If you average the annual precipitation in the Netherlands, it equates to 100 minutes of rain every day of the year. Acceptance of such a damp climate makes sense. But as Aussies, we’ll probably never get our heads around why the Dutch would choose to cycle or go for a walk in the rain. And on the flip side, how they get so excited about the slightest glimmer of sun – even if the temperatures are still frigid.