This was published 2 years ago
Would it be bad karma to keep an expensive Buddha statue that’s not mine?
My tenant moved out halfway through her 12-month tenancy, leaving me in financial difficulty. I was a very considerate landlord, installing a fence for her dog, charging her below-market rent, and letting her move furniture into the house a month before she arrived. Now my calls and emails go unanswered. However, she has left behind an expensive bronze Buddha. Should I return it?
L.B., Yass, NSW
A: Great question. It’s inspired me to invent a new Buddhist concept that I’ve named karmic irony. Or should that be ironic karma? Maybe karmaronicamy? No. Ironikharmonica? Give me time, still workshopping; I’ll get there.
This concept works exactly like regular karma, for which good actions are rewarded with good consequences and bad actions are punished with bad consequences, but the whole thing is housed in the framework of ironic, Buddhist-related hilarity. For example, it could be a bad tenant leaving behind an expensive bronze Buddha. Or a burglar getting caught after tripping on a meditation rock in a Zen garden. Or a cheating ex-lover getting dumped by their new lover, and that new lover happens to be the Dalai Lama.
The brilliant thing about this new Buddhist concept (karmicamacaroni?) is that not only does cosmic justice take place, but you also get a really good dinner party story that will have guests going, “A bad tenant? An expensive Buddha? The karma! The irony! The ironikarmycamircocoa!”
So because this tenant is not replying to your calls or emails, the cosmos has decided that the bronze Buddha is yours to keep – and you can sell it and hopefully make enough money to alleviate your financial difficulties. Though be careful when you’re packaging it up for delivery: if you overcharge the buyer or don’t offer a fair returns policy, a heavy, karmic Buddha can cause a lot of damage to a soft, ironic foot.
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.