This was published 2 years ago
With my Bible-bashing friends, do I turn the other cheek?
I hold strong convictions about the Bible and Jesus. I’m reluctant to share my views with an unwilling audience. However, many of my acquaintances bang on incessantly about wealth, property portfolios and conspiracy theories, with no consideration of how offensive I find these topics. Am I entitled to return fire with some good, old-fashioned “Bible-bashing”?
G.K., Mosman, NSW
You’re going to hate me saying this, but I’ve often wondered if Bible stories were written by the conspiracy theorists of their day: if small groups of biblical-era QAnon, Incel types gathered together in secret chatting rooms and discussed whether Jesus’s death was an inside job carried out by the CIA (Caiaphas Interrogation Agency). And did Judas get paid for divulging highly classified information on Jesus’s whereabouts, with 30 pieces of silver tossed onto his laptop?
With all respect to your religious convictions, if I was hanging out with anyone who started banging on about Bible stories, conspiracy theories or property portfolios, I’d immediately change the subject to something more universal that everyone can relate to, such as is there a difference between mayonnaise and aioli? Are they the same thing? They don’t taste like the same thing. And what the hell is tartare sauce? And why does it have those little bits in it? An in-depth mayo convo can be stretched for hours.
Here’s what I think: if anyone is sharing views that are making someone else feel triggered or confused or bored, the other person shouldn’t return fire with their own equally divisive views. They should try to bring people together with interesting, non-controversial topics, like whatever happened to the kid from The Shining? Would a vegetarian eat a Venus flytrap? Is fog simply low-lying cloud or something else entirely? And what’s the point of scented toilet paper? Seriously.
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.