Why I find receiving Valentine’s Day lingerie about as sexy as Question Time in Canberra

Do I buy my lover lingerie for Valentine’s Day?

I’m not here to shame lovers of lace G-strings or leopard-print briefs, but I find the thought of receiving underwear as a present for Valentine’s Day, birthdays or Christmas as sexy as Question Time in Canberra. The only person allowed to buy underwear for you is a parent, and that comes with a firm cut-off age. If your parents are still buying your underwear and you can drive a car, we need to talk. If they’re buying you underwear for Valentine’s Day, it’s time for an intervention.

Jewellery and accessories that sit in plain sight are the best bet for a Valentine’s Day gift that doesn’t involve chocolate or flowers. You don’t have to go straight to the diamond section (although the object of your affection is unlikely to complain). A simple chain, thoughtful ring, bracelet or heart-shaped charm will make your feelings clear without committing to a crippling payment plan that might outlast your relationship. Remember that rings require the same attention to sizing as bras: no one wants a ring that makes their finger look like an uncooked Bratwurst.

Silk scarves and ties are also options, but think carefully how any heart patterns will last the rest of the year. If you really want to send hearts a flutter, show that you’ve been paying attention. A bottle of their favourite fragrance, the good one they leave out on the bathroom cabinet for visitors to notice, will be appreciated more than anything gimmicky in a red bottle. If you’re still not sure, throw in those chocolates just in case.

Got a style conundrum? Email damien.woolnough@nine.com.au

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