Tailgating a tailgater: should I follow my instincts?

Driving along, I noticed a hoon aggressively tailgating the car in front of him. Catching up with both vehicles, I decided to aggressively tailgate the hoon to give him a taste of his own medicine. Was my behaviour unsafe?
B.D., Hallam, Vic

A: You already know the answer. You know it’s unsafe. The only time tailgating is OK is if you’re being towed by another vehicle with a short rope because you’re too cheap to pay for a tow truck (or a long rope). Or if you’re in a funeral procession and you’re stuck behind a hearse going 20 kilometres an hour. Then you’re allowed to tailgate the hearse, but don’t ride its bumper, don’t honk your horn and don’t yell out your window, “Get a move on, buddy! You %$#@ing dead or something? Speed it up!”

All other kinds of tailgating are extremely dangerous and tailgating a tailgater just doubles that danger. It could lead to multiple injuries or, worse, multiple fatalities, or multiple payouts because the car at the back is at fault for all rear-enders. On top of that, you’re dealing with a hoon here.

They may look like a regular person when they’re sitting inside their car, but when they step out, they can be massive and muscly and have a rusty metal pipe hidden behind their wraparound Oakley sunglasses. My advice: no more tailgating tailgaters. You don’t want a rusty pipe to the head; it could give you tetanus.

And my advice to tailgated drivers? If you’re feeling stressed, then just pull over and let the tailgater pass. Then you can sidle up alongside them at the next red light and do that very satisfying thing where you throw a smug little side-glance out your window as if to say, “Was it worth it? Did you get far? Happy now?”

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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