Should I tell the braless friend of a friend that her breasts wobble?

A friend of a friend has stopped wearing bras and stopped shaving her legs and armpits. I can’t ask why (I don’t know her well enough), but I do get embarrassed when she wears thin clothes and her breasts jiggle. Should I tell her to cover up?
L.N., Croydon, Vic

For hundreds of thousands of years, women walked around with unshaved bodies and unfurled breasts and the world was unfussed. Armpit hair was free to flutter in the morning breeze, as was leg hair, as was the occasional breast if the breeze was strong enough. It was only very recently, about a century ago, that a small group of people decided that women should be armpit-bald, leg-smooth and breast-unjiggly; I’m not sure who those people were, but they might have had surnames like Gillette, Nair and Bras N Things.

So now everything’s been flipped: bra-less breasts and body hair have become taboo. If someone sees hair under a woman’s arms, they go into shock, they can’t believe it, they’re ooooing and ahhhhing like they’ve spotted a quokka asleep in there.

And it’s not fair: men can walk around unshaved and bra-less without everyone freaking out. I’ve seen blokes at the beach with triple-D boobs and so much body hair it’s like they crawled up the backside of a bear and are poking their head out of its mouth. So don’t be embarrassed by this friend of a friend: she’s just chosen to present herself the way women have looked for approximately 99 per cent of human history. Let her celebrate her jiggle, revel in her fuzziness, live by the mottos “Bra-less Is flawless” and “Hirsute, If It Suits Her.” Because it sure looks better than all the non-natural women and men walking around today, implanted, filled, lifted and waxed, like eight-year-old kids with an overactive-gland condition.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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