Help! My husband eats his food like a toddler

They always say to watch how your partner eats a meal before you commit. Well, I didn’t. My husband cuts his meals up into small pieces like a toddler. I don’t think I can watch this for the rest of my life. What can I do? S.K., Mount Eliza, Vic

You’ve just reminded me of my first dinner date with my wife. She ordered a steak in a restaurant and it was like watching documentary footage of a gorgeous lioness gorging on a baby okapi in Night Hunters of the Savannah. And I just sat opposite, a sad, scruffy hyena with a bowl of chips because
I was too poor to afford mains, hoping to scavenge some scraps when she was done. But nope, she ate every last fleck of gristle and sinew, then finished up, as savannah lionesses always do, with a nice cup of tea.

Strangely, I found her passion for eating incredibly attractive. I wondered if she had the same passion for other things in life – and I was thrilled to eventually find out that she did, approaching everything with gusto (and also always finishing up with a nice cup of tea). This is what worries me about your husband: maybe his toddler-like food-cutting is reflected in other things. Maybe he has tantrums in the car, is petulant in conversation and likes to make love wearing pull-ups and a Roarin’ Rex dinosaur onesie. But even if his eating-style repulses you, he’s actually eating the way we should all be eating: according to dietitians, slowing down and chewing smaller portions can help you lose weight, absorb nutrients and possibly live longer. So my answer to you is simple: start eating like him, slowly and carefully, and, hopefully, your husband will keep repulsing you at mealtimes for decades to come.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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