Can I ask people I know if they have sexy dreams about me?

I occasionally have erotic dreams that involve friends and casual acquaintances. I’m curious to know whether the people in my dreams have similar, or even synchronous, dreams. Is it okay to ask?
C.A., Suffolk Park, NSW

A: A friend once told me he’d convinced his wife to try a bit of sexy role-play. He said, “How about I pretend to be a pilot?” and she said, “Okay, and I’ll pretend to be a stewardess” and he said, “No, you pretend to be your sister.” Okay, a friend never really told me that; it’s just a stupid joke I made up, but it kind of illustrates my point: there’s nothing wrong with having erotic dreams or fantasies about people you know, but you probably shouldn’t share those erotic dreams or fantasies with people who don’t need to know. Because what’s a friend going to say if you ask them if they’re also having sexy dreams about you? “No, I find you physically repugnant. But thanks anyway, I’m very flattered. More importantly, did I use protection?”

And if you’ve got a romantic partner of your own, what are they going to say if they find out? “Look, as long as you’re faithful in real life, having horny dreams involving our entire social circle is in no way a reflection on our otherwise solid, sexually healthy relationship. More importantly, did they use protection?”

Look, I think it’s risky to share your erotic dreams with the person who’s in those dreams unless you’re angling for an erotic, non-dream encounter with them. If so, share away and hope they get the hint. But just share the sexy stuff. Leave out the weird stuff where they turn into your mother halfway through the love-making, then all your teeth fall out and Adam Liaw has to drive you to a dentist in Uruguay.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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