Trick or turnip: Can you have a happy Halloween if you’re vegan?

I’m 16, but now follow a vegan lifestyle, so can only accept vegan-friendly lollies when trick-or-treating at Halloween. This means I’ll have to politely refuse the offer of any lollies I cannot consume, explaining it at every house. Is there an easier way?
G.K., Berwick, Vic

A: Halloween wasn’t even a thing in Australia when I arrived here from Canada as a little kid. Mum would send me and my sister out trick-or-treating and neighbours would slam doors in our ghoulishly painted faces, probably thinking we were begging for food or we were Jehovah’s Witnesses.

But now it’s a huge deal. Plenty of kids go trick-or-treating (always a parent with them, lurking across the street, hoping they don’t have to meet all the neighbours they’ve been avoiding since they moved in). And kids know how Halloween works: you’re getting free lollies, so you can’t really demand specific treats. You take whatever crappy, bulk-buy lollies you’re given, even if they contain dairy products or animal gelatin or orangutan babies or compound chocolate (which is chocolate that’s made in a prison compound).

So here are three suggestions for ethical, vegan Halloweening:

1. Reverse the Trick-or-Treat. Knock on people’s doors and say, “Trick or turnip?” before offering them a flaxseed cracker smothered in delicious roasted turnip hummus.

2. Educate Your Neighbours. Dress as a butchered calf (making sure your fake blood is not crushed cochineal insects), knock on doors and scream, “Meat is murder!“, then run away on your tiny, veal-cutlet shoe-hooves.

3. Give up Trick-or-Treating Altogether. You’re 16. You’re not a small kid. If you’re knocking on people’s doors and saying, “Trick or treat?” and it sounds like an actual threat, you might be too old for Halloween.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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