This was published 3 years ago
Stop of the bops: How do I tell folks at my jazz club to be quiet?
I regularly attend a jazz club. Most people come along to enjoy the live music, but there are always people up the back who chat. How can I ask them to be quiet with tact and diplomacy?
R.H., Newcastle, NSW
A: As a regular jazz club attendee, you’ll know there are many different types of jazz, from the brutally experimental free-form stuff that shreds your cochleal hair cells like an aural grain thresher to the flaccidly benign Kenny G-style crud that dentists play to keep their patients docile while drilling out root canals.
Different types of jazz require a different response to club chatterers. If the jazz is super technical and hyper-polyrhythmic, you could stroll up to them, tip your beatnik beret and politely say, “Hey, hepcats, could you please muzzle your gum-bumpin’ so us righteous alligators can jive to these augmented-major-7th-flat-13th chords and tap our tootsies to the 188/5 time signature?” They’ll shut up out of sheer confusion.
If the jazz is 1930s-era standards from the Great American Songbook, then try the Songbook Sob Story Strategy. Pull a sad face, lean in close and whisper, “Sorry for interrupting, but today is the 10th anniversary of my grandpa’s death. These were his favourite songs and I just want to grieve and reminisce without any distractions. Miss ya, Gramps! The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away ... ”
And if the jazz is trite, lite, white, ambient muzak, then go easy on the chatting people: clearly, they’ve forgotten they’re in a jazz club and think they’re in a supermarket or maybe a hotel elevator. Give them a gentle reminder by yelling out: “Jazz club!” They’ll instantly snap out of it, look embarrassed and say, “Oh, sorry! Thanks for reminding us. Thought we were in a cafe bookstore in the ’90s. Jazz club! Of course!”
To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.
Continue this edition
The February 4 EditionUp next
Hot date: Is there a wine that pairs well with curry?
As it turns out, yes. Huon Hooke offers his favourite drops for lovers of both spice and wine.
Miso pork cutlets with buttered sesame corn
Using miso in marinades is one of my go-to kitchen tricks; it adds depth of flavour to meats with little effort. While red miso, which is a bit more intense, works here, too, I usually prefer white miso with pork since it's mild and sweet with a good balance of saltiness. The buttered sesame corn is the perfect accompaniment to the pork, especially in summer when you can find it in abundance.
Previously
‘I had a really good life’: So why did Helen Haines decide to run for parliament?
The federal MP for Indi talks about where the government spends too much (and too little), whether two-party politics is dead – and her 36-year marriage.
Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.