My friends are trading in their ‘alpha’ husbands for a different kind of man

So, what kind of man is on your menu? Alpha or beta? While an alpha man can whisk you off for a five-star weekend in his Lamborghini or some other tax-dodgem car, a beta male will drive you mad with desire for their gourmet creations.

A beta bloke will adore you, not bore you, and do all your chores for you. He’ll shop, mop, cook and clean. He’ll even dust the pedestal before placing you upon it. In short, the sort of bloke who wears a cardigan is usually the type to wrap it around your shoulders if it’s cold, without you asking.

So, is beta better? It’s a question to consider before your next male-order. Many of my women friends are trading in their alpha husbands to shack up with domesticated, empathetic, types.

Of course, there are some wonderful alpha men. I’ve been madly in love with at least two and have watched with pride as they strode the world stage, championing important causes. Hell, I got a tan basking in their reflected glory. But for my second act, I’ve found myself drawn to a gentle, funny home-maker who shuns the limelight and is happy to play second fiddle to my big, loud, orchestral carry-on.

This trend for beta males is reflected in current romance novels, which no longer feature brooding, sadistic control-freak squillionaires called Christian, or riding crop-wielding poshies named Rupert, but quirky, kind, supportive men. Female readers seem to have finally worked out that the type of guy who adds wings to mansions as an adult probably began by pulling them off flies as a youngster. Yes, he has a sculptured six-pack, but he clearly keeps fit by doing step aerobics off his own ego.

They’re known as “cinnamon roll” men – sweet and mushy on the inside. A man who is good in the kitchen is now deemed to be just the man to put a bun in your oven.

KATHY LETTE

A 2023 story in Publishers Weekly revealed that the covers of popular romance titles no longer featured “jerk billionaires” with open shirts and open wallets, but sensitive, dreamy, arty types in non-dominant poses. They’re known as “cinnamon roll” men – sweet and mushy on the inside. A man who is good in the kitchen is now deemed to be just the man to put a bun in your oven.

This shift from alpha males to more socially aware, self-deprecating men is also evidenced at the cinema. In Paul Thomas Anderson’s political comedy One Battle After Another, Leonardo DiCaprio plays an ex-revolutionary on the run from the law. In a chase scene, he dangles out of the passenger side of a speeding car, terrified the jump might turn him into road kill. The alpha driver cheers DiCaprio on with an enthusiastic cry of “Just like Tom f---ing Cruise!” The contrast between fearless alpha Cruise and frightened, quivering beta DiCaprio is deliciously, endearingly funny.

So, why is the macho man being usurped in female affection by less egotistical types? When women had no vote, career prospects or economic power, it was little wonder strong alpha men were desirable.

Darcy, Heathcliff and Rochester set the template for the kind of bloke who is knicker-wettingly lust-worthy. But the trio of 19th-century literary lionesses who created this romantic manly trope – Jane Austen, Emily Brontë and her sister Charlotte – were all unmarried virgins. What did they really know about men?

Now that women earn our own money and status, why would we bother with a brooding, unobtainable, emotionally withholding fella? How much more attractive I now find the passionate, poetic Captain Wentworth in Persuasion. Or the gentle, idealistic Will Ladislaw in Middlemarch.

The female realisation that beta is better is clearly also a reaction against political megalomaniacs like Trump and Putin, with their macho posturing and missile envy. Trump’s second term brought back toxic masculinity with a bang. Cheering on this penile delinquent in the Oval Office was Elon Musk.

Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan have emboldened the “manosphere” to attack any woman who dares pop her head above the parapet. Oh, for the days when a troll was something that lived under a bridge in a fairy tale.

But whatever the reason, the message for fellas is clear. If you want to appeal to the opposite sex, cook some cinnamon rolls, offer a woman your cardie before she’s cold, remember to take out the garbage unprompted, know what’s about to go off in the fridge and unpack the dishwasher without expecting a 21-gun salute and RAAF fly-past – all guaranteed, foolproof foreplay for today’s females.

Get the best of Sunday Life magazine delivered to your inbox every Sunday morning. Sign up here for our free newsletter.