I saw a spider crawling in a woman’s hair. Should I have told her?

I went to see the stage production of Moulin Rouge! Halfway through the show, I realised the lady sitting in front of me had a large garden spider crawling over her hair bun. I wanted to squash it or tell her, but didn’t want to disrupt the show. Was I right to do nothing?
L.B., Lane Cove, NSW

A: I think we can all agree that rolling up your show program and thwacking the head of the woman sitting in front of you would’ve been slightly disruptive to the woman. And also the audience members sitting near her. And also the performers on stage. And also the poor spider, who probably never wanted to see a musical in the first place and has never warmed to Baz Luhrmann’s kitschy, bells ‘n’ whistles gimmickry.

But I also understand how doing nothing might be slightly disruptive to you. You’d just be staring at a spider crawling over a hair bun for the rest of the show, hoping it didn’t drop onto your lap, wondering if the entertainment value was worth the cost of the ticket, the parking, the babysitter, the pre-show meal, the pre-show drinks, the intermission drinks, the post-show drinks and the drink-driving fine on the way home.

But if we look at this situation democratically, you did the right thing.

By not thwacking the woman, or whispering in her ear, or flicking the spider onto someone else, or trapping woman and spider inside an enormous glass and carrying them out of the theatre, you disrupted the least amount of people. Unfortunately, the least amount of people happened to be you.

Personally, I’m just really glad you didn’t hurt that spider. Spiders are beautiful creatures who should be left alone to do what spiders do: crawl around, spin webs and lay hundreds of eggs in a hair bun.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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