This was published 3 years ago
I’m petrified of scary films. Should I go to my friend’s horror movie premiere?
I’ve been invited to a movie premiere. The movie was made on the tiniest of budgets, using my best friend’s flat. The only catch is, it’s horror and I’m petrified of horror movies. If I don’t go, I’m not much of a friend, right?
S.H., Tamarama, NSW
A: Can I start by saying that it’s great to hear someone’s made a new Aussie movie. Our film industry is in a real state of crisis: the only flicks getting made are ones about serial killers or about fairy penguins or about serial-killing fairy penguins, all played by Nick Giannopoulos.
It should be our national duty to support a new Aussie movie, even if it’s an Aussie horror movie, which is the same as a regular horror movie but with more spine-severed backpackers dangling off meat hooks.
But I also get that you may not be into this kind of movie: meat-hooked backpackers are not for everyone. On top of that, your friend wasn’t really a major part of the filmmaking process: they just lent out their flat for the shoot, then presumably stood behind the camera every day, feeling slightly anxious, wondering how they’re going to get jugular blood-splatter out of a plush, living-room rug.
But I still think you need to go to the premiere, if not to support your best friend, then to support Aussie cinema, drink some free champers and hopefully meet an actor who got stabbed in the throat with a pair of scissors.
And when you’re watching the movie, just sit there with your hands over your eyes, peeking out during the non-gory bits, thinking, “Hey, is that the scented candle I gave my friend for Christmas last year? Yeah, that’s my candle on the coffee table, beside the lopped-off head of the zombie babysitter! My gift-candle made the big screen! Woohoo!
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.