Snoop Dogg at the AFL grand final? Those days should be long gone

The Snoop Dogg thing? I never quite got why, from the first, he would be a good choice to sing at the AFL grand final. And yes, I know we can’t have Jimmy Barnes doing Working Class Man, every year, as brilliant as it is; or Paul Kelly’s How To Make Gravy; or Missy Higgins doing her fabulous repertoire, but the point remains. Why have an American for the most quintessential of Australian events?

Isn’t the whole thing of trucking in American singers a holdover from the old days of the Logies, where every year, great expense would go into bringing out some usually washed-up Hollywood or sitcom star who’d smile for the cameras, while everyone swooned?

Florence Henderson, the “Mom” from the Brady Bunch is in da house!

Kill me, now.

But back to Mr Dogg. Some time ago, I was roundly condemned on Twitter for opining that the rapper was one of those rare artists where the singer seems better known than his songs. This, I was advised, proved I was a completely out-of-touch old man, which might not be unfair – or at least a lot fairer than Twitter usually is!

Still, I ask you, is there a single song Mr Dogg could sing where 100,000 Australians could sing along, plus all the folks at home, and have one of those rare moments where, as a nation, we do indeed feel “one and free?”

The fact that recently the AFL has suspended Izak Rankine for four weeks for using an embarrassingly adolescent homophobic slur, while also getting Mr Dogg who, it turns out – also has antediluvian views on homosexuality and gay parenting – is indeed problematic. Even more tellingly, in 2014, a diminutive of the same word used by Rankine appeared on Mr Dogg’s Instagram post.

(And it’s at least better than their effort of a few years ago, to get Tom Jones to sing Delilah, at the height of their campaign against domestic violence.)

Give it a burst, Tom: At break of day when that man drove away I was waiting,
I crossed the street to her house and she opened the door.
She stood there laughing,
I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more.

Why, why, why, Delilah . . ?

(That’s enough.)

To be fair, the AFL can’t be expected to trawl through lyrics, posts, and interviews of every potential artist, but some this week have suggested that the AFL would pull the pin on Snoop Dogg anyway.

If they did, might I suggest the perfect replacement? Her name is Olivia Fox, and she blew the socks off the Bledisloe crowd three years ago by singing I Am, You Are, We Are Australian, including two verses in the Indigenous language of the Yawuru nation, from up in the Kimberleys.

She blew the stadium away. This week, she did the same on The Voice, getting all four judges to turn around, and earning a standing ovation from the audience. She would SLAY the MCG. What more all-Australian singer could you have doing an all-Australian song, at the all-Australian game?

Yes, it’s true: The All Blacks are beatable

And the good news keeps on coming.

Not only are the Wallabies in great form – beating the world champion Springboks 38-22 at Ellis Park a fortnight ago, and coming within an ace of doubling the dose in Cape Town last week before going down 30-22 – but ... the All Blacks are struggling.

Their loss to Los Pumas in Argentina last week makes it official: this is not the team it was in days of yore. And that dark shimmer of nigh-invulnerability that traditionally hangs over them when they do the haka is gone.

Far more importantly, it ain’t just me saying it. The great All Black winger, my friends and yours, Sir John Kirwan, had to borrow the felicitous phrase used by Springboks coach Rassie Erasmus to describe his own team at Ellis Park against the Wallabies – “we were dog shit” – to adequately sum up the All Blacks last Saturday.

“It’s a pretty fair summary of what happened with the All Blacks, I think,” Kirwan said on the Rivals podcast. “We missed 40 tackles. A lot of the other tackles, I believe, were quite passive. So the defensive line wasn’t coming forward because after a couple of rucks, the Argentinians were actually breaking through and getting that extra yard, yard and a half. So it started with that, our kick receiving game was the worst I’ve seen.”

More, John, more! Music to our ears ...

“Then I think some of our superstars that sometimes can just break a game open and turn that feeling that you’ve got, just didn’t.”

And the Wallabies, John?

“I watched the South African and Aussie game, and my respect for this Australian team continues to grow every week.”

Me too. And there has never been a more enthralling Rugby Championship, with all of the All Blacks, Pumas, Boks, and Wallabies having registered one win and one loss. Next week in Townsville against Los Pumas for our blokes, it shapes as another wonderful match. Generally, I genuinely love watching the NRL – particularly the Panthers on a good day, and certainly State of Origin – but just lately it seems dull and provincial by comparison, don’t you find?

Big Dukes’ cracker of a day against Liverpool

There was lovely yarn about the famous Socceroo, Mark Viduka in the London Telegraph this week, reminiscing about the time he scored all four goals for Leeds United in a 4-3 win over Liverpool. See, the fact that it occurred right next to Guy Fawkes night, combined with an 11.30am kick-off at Elland Road, meant he was operating on very little sleep.

“I had a Rottweiler who was really stressed by the fireworks,” he told the Telegraph, “And she ran away. My missus rang me about three times in the middle of the night. Basically, I had a go at her, I said ‘if I have a shocker tomorrow, it’s going to be your fault’.”

And it looked like it was going to be exactly that, with Liverpool ahead 2-0 after just 20 minutes. But then it happened. As described by the Tele, what happened then was a goalscoring clinic from Viduka. “One calm chip over Sander Westerveld after a loose back-pass, a graceful near post header, superb strength, skill, and aim for his hat-trick, then another smart turn and clip to secure a 4-3 win.”

Despite the glory, he had one more task to do when he got home.

“I had no dog, so I had to go out looking for her. It took three days to find her. After that, I told my wife she had to wake me up all the time.”

What They Said

Grimsby Town goalkeeper, Christy Pym, after leading them to a penalty shootout win over Manchester United: “It’s not sunk in yet, I’m a Man United fan, so I’m half-fuming a little bit.”

Socceroo Nestory Irankunda on scoring an amazing goal for Watford: “Oh, my. I’ve scored some good goals, but I reckon that could be in my top five.”

Irankunda’s goal came from a free kick, and he had to ask his captain if he could have go: “Obviously, you have to ask for permission, and I said to Moussa ’I feel confident in taking a free kick,” He asked me a couple times, ‘are you sure you can take free kicks?’ I said ‘yeah, go look at my highlight reels!’”

Canberra Raider Kaeo Weekes on scoring the most improbable try against Penrith: “I thought Strangey would go all the way, but Jenkins is fast. He threw the ball, and it hit me on the chest. He had done all the hard yards. I could see someone behind me to my right, but I was able to get over.”

Glasgow Rangers manager Russell Martin after they were smashed by Brugge: “I don’t think we’ll be beat 6-0 again.” Shades of, “Let the record show, no one beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row!”

Suns coach Damien Hardwick after they qualified for the finals:“We put that to bed tonight, got the monkey off our back a little bit.”

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce announcing their engagement: “Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married.” It’s their world, we’re just living in it.

Carlos Alcaraz on his very short haircut: “I felt like my hair was really long already, and before the tournament I just really wanted to get a haircut. Suddenly, just my brother just – he misunderstood with the machine. He just cut it. Then, the only way to fix it was just to shave it off. To be honest, it’s not that bad, I guess.” As TFF’s father would say, the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut ... is about two weeks.

Fremantle Docker Luke Ryan on the criticism of coach Justin Longmuir: “We all love him inside the four walls. He cops it so much. They tell us to move the ball quicker, they tell you all these other things. Then we win one game, and they’re all over us; they love us. Then we lose one game, and then he’s the worst coach in the AFL again. It’s a load of bullshit.” It might be, Luke, but it’s also a surprisingly good living, you know?

AFL player Mitch Brown on him coming out, to the @TheDailyAus: “I don’t believe that this is about me. It’s not about Mitch Brown being the first at all. For me, it’s about sharing my experience so others can feel seen.”

Gold Coast Titan Tino Fa’asuamaleaui makes some great points after another coach up there is punted: “If the team or a lot of things aren’t performing or getting the results someone has to be held accountable. But talking about accountability, both times our coaches are the only ones who have been kept accountable and there’s got to be more [than] that. I think we have to look at everything going forward, I think we have to question everything. Are we making the right decisions?”

Springboks coach Rassie Erasmus, after bouncing back against Australia: “After a loss you lose a little bit of belief, even though we had won eight on the trot and nine out of ten, but you do lose a little bit of belief, so the big thing for us was to try and win and not let them get a bonus point.”

Two-time US Open champion, 45-year-old Venus Williams, on taking a wild card at the US Open: “It is super thrilling to be back. It does not get old – it just gets more exciting ... I love my job. So there’s the joy right there.”

Team of the Week

Pumas. Defeated the All Blacks at home for the first time! This ended their 15-match run without a home win against New Zealand.

Cristiano Ronaldo. Became the first player to score 100 competitive goals for four different clubs: Al-Nassr, Real Madrid, Juventus, and Manchester United.

Easts and Warringah. Contesting the Shute Shield final today. Easts are looking to go back-to-back, while the Rats haven’t won since 2017. It’s the first time they’re meeting in a decider!

Max Dowman. Made his debut for Arsenal aged 15 years and 235 days old.

Gold Coast Suns. Playing in the finals for the first time.

GWS. Flying the flag for NSW in the AFL finals.

Sydney Marathon. Good luck to all runners tomorrow in the big race.