Go north, young men of Melbourne

THE greatest grand final ever? Please. For starters, there'll never be a better grand final than the 1989 one at the SFS won by Canberra - Steve Jackson breaks one tackle … swivels … breaks another … smashes through … twists … can he … he CAN! Over! So that position is already filled.

Beyond Manly's stunning result, I actually thought it fairly dull. Part of the problem at the ground was that it was not totally full, and seemingly 99 per cent of the people there were barracking for Manly. Dinkum, I could not spy one pocket of Melbourne support, which rather muted the atmosphere, just as the 40-0 romp out on the field denied the game any tension over who was going to win.

Some time ago, Michael Hill, the former chairman of the Newcastle Knights, made a singularly astute comment to the effect that we could divide up the best rugby league players into eight teams, call them red team, blue team, green team etc, but who would care? And we all know the answer. No one.

The football codes are tribal, or they are nothing. And a decade on, the Storm - essentially the NRL's purple team - simply don't have a tribe.

When the Storm flew back to Melbourne on Monday, there were just 50 people there to greet them, and my suspicion is most of them were family. Only 200 people turned up to the subsequent fan day, and though they had waited two hours in the cold and wet, after 10 minutes the only Storm people still there signing autographs were Dallas Johnson, Craig Bellamy and Matt Geyer.

What is the point? If you have a town that doesn't love a successful team - and they clearly don't - why not transfer it a place that is just aching to have one, like the Central Coast? It is a no-brainer.

Record belongs to Easts

"That Manly 'record' grand final victory is based on a lie. When Easts beat St George 38-0 in 1975, tries were worth three points. In today's money, Easts beat St George 46-0."

Inglis the ruck rover

So would Israel Folau: '19 years old, 195 centimetres, 93 kilograms, etc' … For years, some have said that the Swans play rugby league. Watching the Storm - Slater's marking, Inglis's kicking, for instance - it was easy to see an AFL influence. Both observations are simplifications, of course. But they contain truths."

Use your head, Roy

"God has gifted me with incredible hand speed as a tool to be used," he replied. "What else am I supposed to do but fight? There ain't no hand-racing competitions."

Bring it in tight, Roy. Do you really think your God looked down, saw you and said, "You know what? I am going to give that kid incredible hand speed, just so as he can punch other of my children in the face, beat them to a bloody pulp, and maybe rattle their brain stems so they fall into unconsciousness."

To me, it sounds unlikely.

Jimmy bats it back

"Maybe not," he replied. "But at least I'm the best bat in my family."

Earthy suggestion

What do you think?

Waratahs: "Born of Our Land, Rooted at the SFS …"

Still challenging

This year marks the 85th anniversary of the challenge, which is now the oldest surviving inter-mural sports challenge in Australia. The challenge was originally held for rugby union, and this year will again feature rugby, basketball, netball and touch football. The organisers are keen to attract as many alumnae of both institutions as possible to attend the day and are planning an alumnae luncheon. Try hawkes.dunn85@y7mail.com.

That tatt's gotta hurt

"How can you not be confident?" he tried to explain himself. "They've won everything except one game, and the way they played, I mean, come on, they were odds on. I would've bet my house on it."

His next plan was to pop Melbourne Storm underneath the '08, to clean the whole thing up a bit. At last report, fortunately, he had decided to wait until after last Sunday's grand final.

TEAM OF THE WEEK

Cam Smith. Did any player ever look more valuable to a team? With him, the Storm are world-beaters. Without, they can't get within 40 points of Manly.

Casey Stoner. Won the Australian MotoGP.

Daniel Braid. The Kiwi became the first international signed by an Australian team under the foreign player policy when he joined the Queensland Reds. No, I hadn't heard of him either.

First Innings. The greyhound owned by Ricky Ponting has won four of its past five races. Wherever Ponting is in the world, he tries to listen to the race call on the internet.

O.J. Simpson. The wheels of justice finally mow down the one that got away.

RIP, Harry Bath. A coaching legend passes away.

Doug Nolan. The distinguished 90-year-old war veteran nailed his first hole-in-one on the 12th at Roseville Golf Club's course. Congratulations, Mr Nolan.

Palm Beach Currumbin High rugby league team. Had a close-fought win (24-22) over Matraville High in the Arrive Alive Cup. A worthy effort from the Gold Coast boys, given Queenslanders finish their year 12 a year younger than their NSW cousins.