Statue of imitations: How Boland’s carnage created an MCG catchcry for the ages

They never did “build that man a statue”, but the echoes of Scott Boland’s incredible Ashes debut still reverberate around the MCG.

Looking back now, it was a Boxing Day fairytale almost impossible to believe – Boland taking 6-7 off four dramatic overs, putting England to the sword and handing Australia an unassailable 3-0 series lead.

No wonder the crowd went giddy.

Boland was awarded man of the match for his second-innings heroics, and after he accepted the Johnny Mullagh medal, celebrations spilled out of the ground and into the nearby pubs.

It was here that Victorian coach Chris Rogers finally grasped the enormity of what he had witnessed. It was a moment so good it was almost ridiculous.

Rogers had set foot in the Swan Hotel after wrapping up the SEN commentary and noticed a parochial fan standing at the bar brandishing a unique souvenir – “somehow, he had managed to get Scotty Boland’s towel”.

“He was waving this towel around chanting, ‘Scotty Boland’s towel’ and he just kept saying it over and over, and the whole crowd were yelling it back,” Rogers said.

“I just remember this whole pub chanting, ‘This is Scotty Boland’s towel’.

“That’s kind of reflective of just how famous he’d become in the matter of moments.”

MCG specialist

Boland did not start the 2021-22 Ashes series with any level of fame. Far from being a national hero, he was not even named in the initial 15-man squad.

But by the time the tour hit Melbourne for the Boxing Day Test, following victories in Brisbane and Adelaide, Josh Hazlewood, Jhye Richardson and Michael Neser had all been ruled out with soreness.

Boland’s name was suddenly in the frame, and word began to spread that the 32-year-old Victorian was firming for selection because he was an MCG specialist.

The figures did not lie – in his six previous first-class matches at the ground he had taken 42 wickets at 14.35, striking every 35 balls for his state.

“It was almost like they were lining him up for this particular game,” Rogers recalled.

“But I think I stated publicly that I would have taken Scott Boland over any bowler in domestic cricket.

“I think the thing with Scotty, probably more so than anyone, is that his floor is practically his ceiling. Like it’s the same every time.

“As a coach and as a teammate, you know exactly how he’s going to perform, at least, with how the ball is going to come out of his hand. So I think that gave a lot of people confidence when it came to selection.”

The uncapped Boland was told of his selection on Christmas Eve, becoming the second Indigenous man to play Test cricket for Australia following Jason Gillespie.

“It’s a luxury to have someone like him ready to go,” Cummins told reporters at the time.

But Boland was anything but ready to go. Soon after being presented with his baggy green by the injured Hazlewood, Boland admitted being hit by first-innings nerves.

Hint of things to come

It was not until the lunch break of the opening day, after Australia won the toss and elected to bowl, that then-assistant coach Andrew McDonald was able to pull the debutant aside.

He told Boland he was playing it too safe. He needed to let his action flow.

It was sound advice, but the first indication the Victorian quick was about to unleash hell did not unfold until the final session of the second day.

By then, England had started their second innings and trailed Australia by 82 runs.

Despite the desperate urgings of the Barmy Army, the tourists did not stand a chance. They were immediately consigned to the back foot as Mitchell Starc snared the wickets of Zak Crawley and Dawid Malan in successive balls. Then the magic began.

Boland was brought into the attack for the second-last over of the day and, heeding McDonald’s words, took two wickets with his first five balls – opener Haseeb Hameed edged behind to Alex Carey and then nightwatchman Jack Leach shouldered arms to a ball that cannoned into his off-stump.

It was a tantalising appetiser of what was to come.

‘What is happening?’

It was a quirk of the roster that Fox commentator Mark Howard found himself calling back-to-back sessions.

He still feels privileged to have provided a soundtrack to Boland’s match-winning feat.

The Victorian paceman took a wicket with his fifth ball of the third morning, trapping Jonny Bairstow lbw for five. He had figures of 3-5 off 1.5 overs and England were on their knees at 6-60, still trailing by 22 runs.

Then came the prized scalp of Joe Root. Boland enticed the English skipper to drive at a rising delivery, and he was caught in slip by David Warner for 28. Boland had taken 4-5 off 2.4 overs. England were 7-61.

“The crowd wasn’t that big, but, geez, the crowd was loud,” Howard recalled.

“I haven’t broadcast many Test matches where you fully expected there could be a wicket every single ball. It seemed like every two or three balls there was a wicket.

“And again, it’s not like he is pumping his fist; he’s just taking the wicket and smiling.”

Even then-coach Justin Langer surrendered himself to the moment. Now a Channel Seven cricket expert, he said he took the unusual step of sitting at ground level on the final morning of that Boxing Day Test, giving up his bird’s-eye view from the team box to be closer to the action.

He was glad he did. He said the crowd’s reaction to the hometown hero was so infectious it made winning the Ashes even more special.

Almost as mesmerising as Boland’s spell was the subdued way in which he dealt with the sudden adulation from the parochial Victorian fans.

As he would amble back to Bay 13 after each over to take up his fielding position at fine leg, the best he could offer to the screaming crowd was a smile and a hesitant thumbs-up.

“Everything happened so quick, I didn’t really know what to think, I was a bit embarrassed,” Boland would later admit.

But the raucous crowd did not unsettle Boland’s metronomical style and unnerving accuracy.

He snared his fifth wicket when Mark Wood scooped up a straight-forward caught-and-bowled chance, and then topped off the morning by having Ollie Robinson caught at slip by Marnus Labuschagne. Boland finished with 6-7 off four overs and England were 9-67.

“Each wicket, he’d go back down to Bay 13, and to me, that was like Merv Hughes going back, and the crowd going bananas,” Howard recalled.

“I remember talking to the producers at the time, and we were talking about, ‘Make sure we be quiet as Scotty goes back in front of Bay 13’, so we could hear the crowd.”

One of the most endearing memories in commentary for Howard was the reaction of his co-caller and retired great Mike Hussey.

The normally unflappable Mr Cricket became so caught up in the on-field theatrics, he abandoned his usual analytical approach and started giggling.

“What is happening here, Howie?” he laughed after Boland’s final wicket.

“That to me is the defining moment of what Scotty was doing,” Howard said.

“Because, if a bloke as considered and analytical as Mike Hussey had become so swept up in what Scotty was doing … that showed me just how much the moment lifted people to a whole new level of excitement.”

Do the moment justice

Howard’s iconic line “build the man a statue” immediately resonated with fans.

It was born, he said, out of a moment of reflection on his way to the MCG.

“I was walking around the statues,” he explained, “and there’s a statue of Warnie, and there’s a statue of [AFL legend] Leigh Matthews, and I was pondering to myself, ‘Of the current Australian team who will potentially have a statue built for him outside the MCG?’

“In my head it was Steve Smith, not a Victorian, but to me, he’s the great player of our generation. So I guess it was in the back of my subconscious.

“But you don’t turn up to work thinking, ‘Right, Scotty Boland is going to take 6-7 and you’re going to have a line about a statue’. You just want to do justice to the moment.”

The line became synonymous with Boland.

He later told Howard that no matter where he played, people would be hanging over the fence, yelling, “build the man a statue”.

“I can clearly remember being in Ahmedabad in India, which is where they had the last World Cup final, and I’m walking around in a T-shirt and shorts and a hat, and a guy coming up to me and quoting four of the wickets word by word, finishing with, ‘Build the man of statue’,” Howard said.

“That fills me with great joy, that people have such a positive association with what Scotty did.”

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