What’s it like to have a son who does MMA? Ask our deputy PM

Richard Marles, 58, is the deputy prime minister and defence minister. His oldest son, Sam, 28, is a mixed martial arts fighter and trainer who had the biggest bout of his career on the night of this year’s federal election.

Sam: I idolised Dad when I was young. My parents were divorced, and I’d spend a few days with Mum [Lisa Neville, a former Labor minister in the Victorian government], then a couple of days with Dad. They both had very busy, high-pressure jobs, so there wasn’t too much consistency in where I’d be. I had to go with the flow a little bit. I always looked ­forward to going to see Dad.

He loves golf and I played with him a lot. It was one of the things that kept us close. I ­remember Dad’s reaction when I got my first birdie. I was only about seven and I holed a putt from maybe 30 feet. Dad was jumping up and down. He ran over and gave me this big hug. As a son, you want to impress your dad; you want his validation. And golf gave me that. I’m sure he’d have loved me to become a professional golfer. It wasn’t as if he pressured me to do that – he was never a pushy dad – but I stuck with golf a bit longer than I ­otherwise would have because I was searching for Dad’s approval.

When I made the transition to mixed martial arts, he was a bit concerned. I sat both my parents down and said, “I’m going to pursue this.” At first, they didn’t really understand it. They maybe didn’t believe this was really a potential career path. They looked at me like I was crazy. But, over time, they started to get on board and actually became quite supportive. I think they can see it’s been a positive ­influence on my life.

‘I don’t cry too often – he’s more of a cryer – but there were definitely a few tears shed during that call.’

Sam Marles

I’m someone who needs to move. I’m very ADHD; I’ve been like that since I was a kid. Sitting at a desk like my parents do has never been something I’m good at. I like the description of mixed martial arts as high-level problem-solving with dire consequences. It’s a very free form of combat sport. Boxing, ­jiu-jitsu, wrestling, kickboxing: it combines ­everything. I love it, and I really like the people I’m around in the gym. I probably didn’t fit into the golf scene as well.

Dad’s a passionate person. The similarity between us is that we’re both very driven. We’re both obsessed with what we do, even if we’ve taken very different paths. At times in my life, I didn’t have a lot of appreciation for the path he chose, and I’m sure that, at the beginning, the path I’ve chosen put a lot of stress on him. But we actually get along ­incredibly well. I can talk to Dad for hours; I love having conversations with him.

After I won the fight on election night [on May 3], I called him straight away, but he must have been busy doing interviews. I went off and hung out with some people, then when I got back to the hotel room, I had about six missed calls from him. When we finally spoke on the phone, it was a pretty special moment. I don’t cry too often – he’s more of a cryer – but there were definitely a few tears shed during that call. It felt like everything had come ­together, and everything made sense.

Richard: Sam is my firstborn – my only child with Lisa. I later remarried and had three more children. I think we get better as parents as we go along. Sam might feel like he broke me in for his siblings. As a kid, he was very sporty, very social and very engaging. From my point of view, he has always been great company. To this day, one of the joys of my life is hanging out with Sam.

All my kids learnt how to play golf at a very young age. Sam became a good golfer – really good. Much better than me. He might have felt that I was disappointed when he gave up the idea of playing professionally. I mean, yes, a little. But I could see that it was really frus­trating for him, trying to get to the place he wanted to get with golf.

There’s something confronting about your child telling you they’re going to do mixed martial arts. I definitely had questions. First, is this dangerous? Obviously, one has a concern about head injuries. But according to Sam, the sport regulates that side of it pretty rigorously. There are risks of other injuries – broken limbs and the like – but you could get those playing footy or a range of other sports.

Secondly, I wanted to understand, where does this lead? And I’ve felt comfort in the ­answer to that question as well. Sam loves the world of mixed martial arts and, in that world, he’s making a living. What pays the bills for him is running classes and working in the gym. It’s a job that makes him happy: how good is that?

‘I’m absolutely ­yelling and screaming at the screen, “YOU BEAUTY!” ’

Richard Marles

I spent election night at St Albans Football Club [in Geelong]. We’d arranged that there was an area I could go to, in a ­corner, to watch Sam’s fight. This was, unquestionably, the biggest fight of his career. He went in as the underdog and I was feeling nervous for him. I knew how hard he’d worked, and what winning the fight would mean to him.

Halfway through the final round, I’m thinking this thing is really in the balance. Then Sam knocks the other guy down. I’m absolutely ­yelling and screaming at the screen, “YOU BEAUTY!” Everyone else at the event is ­looking at our corner and thinking, “We’ve obviously won some booth somewhere.” They thought I was calling the election in that ­moment because I was totally losing it. But for me, the election was way off in the distance.

Afterwards, the extent of Labor’s win ­started to become apparent, and the euphoria of that started mixing with the euphoria of Sam’s fight. I woke up the next morning and thought, “I just had the most awesome dream.” Then I realised it had actually happened. A really, ­really great night.

People say, “What’s it like, having a son who does mixed martial arts?” I say, “Well, one thing it proves is that you have absolutely no say over what your kids do. Or at least, I don’t.”

I say that with humour, obviously, but there’s complete truth to it. At the end of the day, I’m just watching my son make his way in the world. There’s such joy in that. And an enormous sense of pride.

twoofus@goodweekend.com.au

To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.