Pre-movie protocols: Is it OK to talk while the cinema ads are playing?

We were rudely upbraided by a man sitting behind us in the cinema who told us he’d paid good money for his movie ticket and wasn’t happy about us talking during the ads and trailers. What’s the correct pre-movie etiquette?
T.B., West Brunswick, VIC

It’s embarrassing to admit this but I had to check what “upbraiding” meant. I thought the person sitting behind you was plaiting your hair, which is a definite no-no in a cinema or anywhere else outside a hairdressing salon or backstage at a junior callisthenics competition.

But now that I know he was actually telling you off for talking during the movie ads and trailers – once again, I’m embarrassed to admit this – I’m a little bit on his side. If I don’t get my Val Morgan fix and at least three movie trailers where they give away all major plot points, the ending, the twist and the only three decent jokes, I don’t feel like I’ve got my ticket’s worth. But I would never upbraid: I’d just give a silent back-of-head glare, which resolves nothing but makes me feel better.

For your future cinema-going reference, these are the pre-movie talking protocols: mid-to-heavy chitchat is acceptable during the cheapo real-estate ads when the house lights are on. Low-level mutterings are allowed during the fancy ads for South Australian tourism when the house lights go down. And brief, whispered observations – along the lines of “I’d see that!” or “Oh, the future of cinema looks bleak” – are permissible during movie trailers.

If you follow these protocols then an upbraiding is entirely unnecessary and anyone who delivers one is a movie villain, right up there alongside the chip-packet-crinkler, the constant-phone-peeker and the row-squisher-past-er who presents crotch instead of buttocks.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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