Layne Beachley felt ‘no sparks’ with Kirk Pengilly. Then a restaurant owner stepped in

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Layne Beachley. The businesswoman and ex pro-surfer, 53, won seven world championships, including a record six in a row. She has been inducted into the US and Australian Surfing Halls of Fame and is an Officer of the Order of Australia.

DEATH

Is it fair to say that, as a pro-surfer, you have to stare down death every day as part of your job? The environment to which I surrender every day has the capacity to take my life but, from my viewpoint, it gives me life. I don’t enter the water – Mother Ocean – with fear: it’s more of a surrender. There’ve been a few times where I’ve almost drowned and it’s actually a really beautiful place for me. Serene.

That’s interesting. I’ve asked a lot of people how they’d prefer to die and drowning isn’t usually up there. It would be my number one.

Really? Yeah. It’s very peaceful under there. I experience more panic on top of the water than underneath it.

Is it fair to say you’re on intimate terms with death? Having lost three mothers [her biological mother, adopted mother and her stepmother], it’s very fair to say that. I also have an ageing father with Lewy body dementia and his gradual decline has also connected me to my mortality.

What helps with grief? Everyone’s path is different. But my advice is simple: honour your emotions. Holding it all together and suppressing whatever it is that you’re feeling doesn’t serve you. In fact, it prolongs your pain and suffering. The sooner we honour it, the faster we’ll get through it.

You’ve achieved so much in your life. Can Layne Beachley die happy? [Grins] One hundred per cent I can.

RELIGION

Is surfing a religious experience for you? Surfing is my religion; it brings me so much joy. It’s where I experience freedom.

Who do you think is worthy of worship? I don’t idolise anybody; I don’t put anyone above me. When I was a kid growing up, I had champions I loved and respected, but I never had them on the wall thinking, “I want to be just like them.”

Is that partly because you were a trailblazer? There would’ve been few people to look up to because you were the one carving a path. Right, there were no other six-time consecutive world champions. It’s like, “OK, I guess I’ll do it myself.” At the same time, when I was at the top, I felt lonely. Brendon Burchard, a thought-leader in high performance, says this: “If you’re at the top and you feel lonely, it’s because you haven’t done it right.”

That’s interesting. How so? I reflect on the times when I felt my loneliest. I remember I was five- or six-time consecutive world champion and I’d invited my peers to a birthday dinner. Very few of them showed up and I felt really rejected. That was an awakening for me – to look at myself and go, “Am I the kind of person that people want to hang out with?” There are very few women from the tour who, one, are still friends with me and, two, have forgiven me for the [poor] way in which I behaved [back then]. So I’m grateful for being able to sustain the friendships that I have and grateful for their forgiveness and teachings.

It sounds as if you’ve sat with all your experiences and asked yourself, “What’s the lesson here?” Look, sometimes it takes me two weeks to get out of the pain. Sometimes, I wallow in it and get stuck.

[Laughs] Two weeks is fast! No, that’s way too long! After 10 days, I’m saying, “This isn’t healthy. Let’s get out of this.”

SEX

Your husband is Kirk Pengilly from INXS. The pro-surfer and the rock ’n’ roller. How did that happen? We were set up by Jon Stevens, who was the frontman of Noiseworks, but I had no interest in him. Kirk wasn’t in his best shape at the time: a seven-year relationship had recently broken up and he was overweight and unhealthy. The Hawaiian shirts he was wearing looked like muumuus. It wasn’t a good look.

So the sparks weren’t immediate. There were no sparks. No connection. No chemistry.

What changed? Jon made me promise him that I’d take Kirk on a proper date. So I took him to Dee Why RSL to go tenpin bowling.

Pretty dorky. I love it. So classy! Then we walked to one of my favourite restaurants. Halfway through dinner, we’re literally yawning in each other’s face. I went to the bathroom, thinking, “If there’s a window big enough, I’m out of here.” I came out and he was still at the table. I must admit, I was a little disappointed because I’d given him plenty of time to go.

Then what? The owner of the restaurant saw that the date wasn’t going well. He had a fresh bottle of limoncello, so he sat with us and the three of us polished it off. That was the conduit. I invited Kirk back to my house. I didn’t want to have sex with him on the first date, but I also didn’t want to continue pursuing this relationship if he was a shit kisser. I said to him, “Come out onto the balcony, check out the view and kiss me.” And it was a good kiss.

You’re now married to Kirk. What’s sexy about him? His sense of humour and sensitivity. He takes way better care of himself now. And seeing him on stage is very sexy.

Do you know what he finds sexy about you? I know he loves my laugh. Oh, and my butt.

Layne Beachley hosts the second season of Well Traveller TV on Network Ten.

diceytopics@goodweekend.com.au

To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.