Do you use full stops in texts? Your kids think you’re angry

My sister’s text messages have the complexity – and imposing length – of classic Russian literature. Announcing their arrival, my phone doesn’t so much ping as groan. Overwhelmed, I send a thumbs-up emoji in reply.

My teenage daughters’ messages, by contrast, arrive in a flotilla of little clouds, each one (as in this recent exchange with my youngest) a single, unpunctuated sentence fragment:

“dad”
“can I go to the city”
“after school”

I discover later that my reply had her thinking I was upset. Said reply?

“Okay.”

Like many, or even most, of my generation (X) and above, I am, it seems, a hostile punctuator. It’s not just that I tend to use sentences, paragraphs and formal punctuation in text messages – something my daughters consider unnecessary and anachronistic – but that I round them all off with full-stops. This, I discover, is the equivalent of someone glowering at you with crossed arms.

A 2021 Missouri State University study “of full-stop use in text messages in varying emotional contexts” (truly) suggests that “while a full-stop is not a mark that is singularly hostile or insincere”, it also isn’t an “entity of discrete and concrete meaning”. Indeed, its connotation varies “from context to context and from person to person”.

The problem with full-stops in texts, then, is their potential for ambiguity. Same goes for other forms of standard punctuation, says linguistics professor Mira Kim from the University of NSW. Ellipses might be interpreted as hesitation or “come across as ominous or passive-aggressive”. Question marks, used singularly, might not raise alarm, but when doubled or tripled-up can “amplify the tone and be seen to demand an explanation”.

Kim says that, unlike face-to-face communication, texts don’t come with helpful cues like tone and facial expressions. As such, she adds, younger people tend to omit the troublesome punctuation altogether and use instead more enthusiastic punctuation, like exclamation marks. Also employed are abbreviations or clarifying emojis, such as “LOL”, the winking-face emoji or (even though it’s highly unlikely anyone’s actually crying with laughter), the crying-with-laughter emoji.

“The younger generation tends to deliver messages in a much lighter tone,” Kim says. “That’s why they use imaging to make sure that what they’re saying isn’t criticism.”

It’s tempting to roll one’s eyes and rail about fragile, young people scared of grammar, their own shadows and, probably, the sharp edges of square brackets, but this, says Kim, is to ignore the way language and communication styles evolve over time. “We have to recognise this is a different way of communicating, rather than classify it as right or wrong.”

Dr Antonella Strambi, a linguist with the University of South Australia, says adults need not simply give in. “There are definitely intergenerational differences when it comes to text messaging,” she says, pointing out, for instance, that young people’s tendency to send multiple texts rather than one longer one is something called “split-turns”, which allows the texter to maintain his or her “turn” at speaking without keeping the recipient waiting.

“While it’s useful to develop an awareness of these messaging differences, communicative competence is about selecting the language variety that’s most appropriate for a given context while keeping true to our linguistic and cultural identities,” Strambi says. “So I wouldn’t suggest [adults] copy young people’s style when texting; it’s better to be intentional in one’s choices to minimise the risk of misunderstanding.”

Thumbs up to that.

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