Do you actually want ‘more money’? Or do you want this instead?

“I wish I could win the lotto. It feels like the only way out of this grind.”

It looked like she had it all – the house, the career. But behind the scenes, she was exhausted. She said she wanted more lifestyle freedom, and less stress. I hear some variation of this sentiment often – if only I had “more money”, then I could live the life I really wanted.

However, I’ve found that what people say they want and what they actually want, are two different things. Without getting clarity on the real underlying desires, you can end up chasing money without ever moving closer to the life you actually want.

A good analogy is – some people think: “I just want to lose weight.” But they don’t just want to lose weight – they also want a sustainable fitness routine, and a diet that isn’t heavy on restriction. Without clarity on these other non-quantifiable desires, they might choose a strategy that helps them lose weight – but doesn’t factor in their other goals.

Today, I’m sharing the unspoken desires I often see hidden behind the chase for “more money”, to help you get clarity on the deeper financial goals you have for yourself.

You want to trust your own financial capability

What you think you want: You say you just want someone to tell you what to do – what to invest in, how to optimise your super, how to optimise your taxes. If someone could just wave a wand and fix your finances so you don’t have to think about it, that would be great, thanks.

You can have a financial adviser create the perfect plan, and still lose sleep wondering if it’s the right move.

What you really want: You want to trust your own financial decision-making, instead of relying on someone else. You want to feel solid in your own strategy, instead of doubting yourself every time the market drops. You don’t just want to hope you’re doing it right – you want to know.

Why this difference matters: The first goal will have you trying to get it done as quickly and easily as possible. Outsourcing your financial decisions might get you results on paper, but it won’t give you the financial confidence you’re looking for.

You can have a financial adviser create the perfect plan, and still lose sleep wondering if it’s the right move – because there is no substitute for feeling confident in your own financial capability.

You want to create a life that feels abundant

What you think you want: You say you want the things money can buy – the house, the cars, the travel. You think having those things will make you feel abundant and wealthy.

What you really want: Being wealthy and feeling wealthy are different things. One is a number on a balance sheet, the other is a feeling – it’s an internal experience. You can buy a Mercedes and still feel financially stressed and behind. So, what you really want isn’t just to look wealthy, or be wealthy – you want to feel wealthy. That doesn’t just require financial skill – it requires emotional skill.

Why this difference matters: You can spend your whole life thinking that the feeling you’re after is just at the next financial milestone. At some point, you have to start building the emotional capacity to experience the abundance you want right now, instead of continually attaching it to an external result in the future.

You want to design a life that feels like your own

What you think you want: More – more money, more assets, more financial success, more accolades. And bigger – bigger house, bigger cars, bigger business, bigger career.

What you really want: You want a life that you love being inside on a day-to-day basis. You want to wake up, feeling good. You want to go to work, feeling good. You want a life you genuinely enjoy living – not just a life you tolerate, numb yourself from, or try to keep escaping.

Why this difference matters: If your primary metric for success is money, you will chase the money – even if it’s out of sync with the life choices that would actually make you happy. This, you will tell yourself, is the price of financial success.

But is it? Aren’t there people who are financially successful – and happy, healthy, thriving? If you’re sacrificing one for the other, it means that on some level, you believe you can’t have both.

It’s not the money itself that changes your life – it’s the choices you make and the life you create with the money. So, if you just want to change your bank balance – chase the money.

But if you really want to change your life – get clarity on why you want the money, and how it moves you towards the life you desire.

Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

• Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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