This was published 3 years ago
The water closet
Hours after he and Jocelyn had a furious, boozy row, Roman rose from bed and sleep-walked for the first time since his teens.
Shuffling his way to Jocelyn’s wardrobe, he opened it, stepped forward, then fished inside his pyjama pants. With a satisfied groan he began relieving his aching bladder all over Jocelyn’s shoes.
Finished, he wiggled his hips, hoicked up his pants and returned to bed.
In the morning, it took Jocelyn half an hour to discover her soaked shoes and the best part of the day to accept Roman’s defence.
At no point, however, would she find it remotely funny.
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Paul Connolly is a regular columnist with Good Weekend.