The early heartbreak that prepared Mark Trevorrow for ‘gay life’

Best known for his alter ego, Bob Downe, Mark Trevorrow is a comedian, singer and actor. The 66-year-old discusses his fierce and fabulous mother, a memorable first kiss, and meeting his husband, Stefan.

My paternal grandmother, Ellen, was an amazing lady. She was tiny yet tough; I had the ability to make her laugh. We called her Mama.

Mama was 21 when World War I broke out. She was an incredible cook and skilled at sewing. She grew up in Collingwood and was a passionate Collingwood [AFL] supporter. She told stories of how if a tram came after a game, filled with Fitzroy fans, the locals would attack it.

My grandfather died suddenly in 1956, so Mama spent the next 40 years on her own looking after a gaggle of grandchildren.

My mother, Dorothy, trained as a midwife. She remembered lining up outside Sydney’s King George V Hospital in 1954, in a freshly ironed uniform, as the Queen whizzed past in an open-top limousine.

Mum was quite fierce but had a fabulous sense of humour. She was born in a generation that discovered [Germaine Greer’s feminist text] The Female Eunuch. It gave her an itch but she stuck with us.

Dad died suddenly in 2008. It was a shock as he was so vibrant. At that point, Mum was frail. She got a viral illness that impeded her hearing in one ear. Her balance was affected; she could no longer play tennis. The accompanying loss of taste and smell senses made her depressed, and she died in 2014, aged 81.

My younger sister, Claire, was my little collaborator. We just adored each other. While my two older brothers, Andrew and John, played sport, Claire and I put on shows. We also made little magazines. We lived in a fantasy showbiz world – so you can see where Bob Downe came from.

I was a tall and skinny teenager and very self-conscious. I realised I was gay when I was 12 or 13 and withdrew into myself.

My first kiss happened in 1977. I was working as a copy boy at Melbourne’s The Sun newspaper. I’d started going to gay clubs and kissed a guy on Christmas Eve. A week later, I went to see him, and he broke up with me, so that was good practice for gay life.

I graduated to writing a pop column for The Sun. I attended a press conference for Bette Midler at Inflation nightclub where I sat on the floor amid reporters, while Bette sat on a high-backed wicker chair. I asked about the characters in her show. As she began performing at gay saunas in New York, she has many gay mates – which was probably why she was so warm to me.

In 1988, a Melbourne promoter got a huge Australia Council grant to take a bunch of comedians – including Gina Riley, Magda Szubanski and Wendy Harmer – to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I’ve known Gina since she was 18, and I was 21. We met at Wendy’s 25th birthday party and became instant best mates.

Mum and Dad were outraged that I wasn’t deemed good enough to be included, so they gave me the fare. They were my biggest fans and followed me around the world. At one of the Edinburgh shows, a group of performers weren’t feeling well, so they asked me to host. My creation “Bob Downe” was a hit and I ended up living in London for 10 years.

I met [drag personality] Lily Savage [real name Paul O’Grady] three years later at the Edinburgh Festival. We toured Australia and the UK together and did loads of British television. Lily died suddenly of a massive heart attack in 2023. I adored him and miss him profoundly.

My husband, Stefan, is an architect and set/interior designer. We first met at the Sydney Mardi Gras, where we both volunteered. It was more than 10 years before we got together, as we were always with someone else. We sat together at World AIDS Day in Sydney in 2013 and have been together since.

Stefan turned 54 in February. It’s sensible to have a younger partner. He can open jars. He’s super-practical. Stefan also knows how to wire an electric plug, so that’s handy, too.

Bob Downe’s 40 Ridiculous Years is touring Australia throughout April and May.

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