In my 20s, I had many close calls with drugs. Then, I met my wife

Musician Rob Thomas is best known as the lead singer of Matchbox Twenty. Now, touring as a solo act, the 53-year-old discusses the important women in his life, including the complicated relationship he had with his late mother, and how meeting his wife of 26 years, Marisol, changed his life trajectory.

My maternal grandmother, Maddie, lived in South Carolina and ran a general store attached to the home we lived in with her. It was a very poor town and most of the clientele were tobacco farmers. She sold bootleg liquor and pot to them when they finished work. She was the matriarch of the town; rough and unpredictable, but also very caring.

My mother, Mamie, raised my sister, Melissa, and me on her own. My sister has a different father to me. I was born in Germany as my father was based there with the US army, and we moved back to the States when I was six months old.

We were raised in a poor rural area of South Carolina. Mom was smart with numbers. She lied about her age and got a job as a computer programmer back when it was a new thing. We eventually found ourselves in a middle-class neighbourhood.

Mom was a volatile drinker. She had my sister, Melissa, when she was 16 and me at 21, then got cancer when I was young and survived it. I think she felt she wanted to do over her youth and started drinking heavily because of that. She married several times after she split from my dad. She passed away in the early 2000s.

A lot of my worst qualities are because of my mom. But to be fair, my mother was fervently against racism. Because we grew up in a very racist town, she always said that was not how one behaves.

Melissa is five years older than me. She ran away from home on the last day of high school to get married. It seemed like a recipe for disaster, but they’ve been together for 40 years. When she first left home, I resented it because I was left to steer Mom through the worst periods of her life.

I kissed an older girl called Heather when I was 13. We would hang out all the time, and she would kiss me and say “don’t tell anybody” – it was so innocent. I also tried out for a musical at school to meet a girl when I was 15. I didn’t get [the part], but I was always trying to get a girl to notice me.

I had a big crush on Kristy McNichol in the film Little Darlings. She had this kind of boyish quality that seemed cool.

I had a lot of close calls with drugs in my 20s. It was meeting my wife Marisol that changed my life. She made me want to try harder.

We met while she was on vacation in Montreal, Canada, in 1998. She was a model from New York and also doing her master’s in marketing. Two days later I was flying to Europe, and we spent the next month talking. By the time I got home, we felt we knew each other. We tied the knot in 1999.

I was pretty adamant that I was never going to get married. I didn’t have a real relationship with my [27-year-old] son Maison’s mother, and it wasn’t until I met Mari that I felt differently. We are best friends. We both choose to be in this relationship. I genuinely miss her when I am on the road.

Mari has a strong personality. She’s gone through a lot of health issues. She knows exactly who she is and takes charge in life. She’s from New York and is Puerto Rican – so she’s all that.

My mother-in-law, Maria, is a huge role model. She always made sure we had groceries at home when we were on tour – and this was even before Marisol and I got married. I was like, ‘What’s her angle?’ I didn’t understand selfless love. There was a visceral moment in my life when, after Mom passed away, I deleted her contact number from my phone and put in Mari’s mom as my mom.

Rob Thomas is touring Australia in October and November.

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