‘I went out with a lot of gay men. I even married one’: Ruby Wax

Best known for her stand-up, comedian Ruby Wax is also a vocal advocate for mental health. The 71-year-old discusses her famous friends, meeting Paul McCartney and her mixed fortunes with men.

My dad, Edward Wachs, escaped Vienna and the Nazis in the 1930s with my mother Berthe. I was raised as an only child in Chicago. Dad thought women were the biggest pains in the arse. He treated my mother appallingly. He tried to train me the way he trained our family dog. He also loved hysterical opera.

I had a boyfriend, Alan, when I was 15. He was a gorgeous football player who became gay. I
was his prom queen; we fought over the sash. In the end, he wanted to be a prom queen more than I did.

I ran away from home at 17, went to the University of California to study psychology, then moved to England in the ’70s to become an actress, which was delusional. I met English actor Alan Rickman while studying at the Royal Shakespeare Company. He became my mentor and trained me for 30 years. He took my dad on every time Dad told me I was a loser.

We first met at the Edinburgh Festival. He was in a play and I decided we’d be best friends. I remember staying over at his place, and when I woke the next day, I went in his room and jumped on his bed, and his head. We had a platonic relationship and he had a girlfriend. I was never attracted to him. He died in 2016.

My celebrity crush was the Beatles – I ironed my hair before their shows. I met Paul McCartney when I was about 30. I was drunk and hiding under a table – he lifted the tablecloth and said, “Nice to meet you.” I was out of my mind drunk and couldn’t handle it.

I wasn’t good with men in my 20s and had a lot of bad luck with them. I stalked an actor in Hair once and would call him every night. I could hear him in the background saying, “Don’t tell her I’m here!”

My parents never told me about sex and I didn’t know you were supposed to do anything with a man as intimate as that. You can imagine what the sex was like.

I went out with a lot of gay men because they made me laugh. I even married one so he could get a work permit [Wax married and divorced twice between 1976 and 1986]. I found male pornography under the mattress in our bedroom and told him we have the same taste in genitals. It was tragic for me as I never learnt how to deal with it or respond to it.

I had an adult crush on Eddie Izzard when I worked with him. He could improvise like a dream and is both intellectual and moronic with his humour. I tried to pull him into my camp but he wouldn’t go there.

I interviewed Jim Carrey in the ’90s and was told I’d only get five minutes with him. He stuck around for four hours. We were at The Dorchester when he showed me a trick – how to pull a tablecloth out from below expensive china. I knew he couldn’t do it and hid behind the sofa, but he did it anyway. And, of course, everything broke. It was a disaster and brilliant.

When I met Ed Bye, in 1988, I wasn’t expecting to find my happy-ever-after. I asked Ed if he wanted to marry me, told him I had an opening in my calendar, and gave him a date. I said many men were after me, but I was lying. Dad gave him instructions to smack me if I got out of order.

We have three children. Our only son, Max [born 1988], liked to play ball games and fight as a kid. Luckily, I had Ed to play those games with him. Nowadays, Max is not very macho and has a smooth quality – not a tough guy. And like all boys, he naturally hated his mother for a period.

The reason Ed and I get on is that we don’t see each other a lot. That’s the secret to marriage.

Ruby Wax performs I Am Not as Well as I Thought I Was at the Sydney Comedy Festival on April 10.

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